Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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