New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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