She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
