Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
