smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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