Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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