just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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