I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
