The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
