he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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