i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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