I accidentally had phone sex last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
