let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
