I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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