I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
