Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
