the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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