you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
