Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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