I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
