If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
