i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize