New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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