Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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