I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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