if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
