someone threw a dead crab at me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize