My underwear smells like fireworks.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
