i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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