but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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