once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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