i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dick very happy bro
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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