everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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