i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
