I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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