If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bring money and cleavage
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
