i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
