She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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