I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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