tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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