I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
