i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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