Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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