my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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