There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
