her vagina looked like bernie madoff
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
