just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
