By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
