but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
