It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
