It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
