Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize