She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
