im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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