i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
