Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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