whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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