He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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