I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
