I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
