dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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