Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
