you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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