I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
