I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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