I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
