Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
