it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
