I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
