Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
