I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
