I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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