We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
