i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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