you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
