Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
